Sutapa Sikdar on one year without Irrfan Khan: ‘He is around, just not physically present’

Irrfan Khan's wife Sutapa Sikdar remembers her late husband, while sharing how she is trying to adaprt to a life without him. Irrfan died on April 29, 2020.

Irrfan Khan’s wife Sutapa Sikdar says her cosmic connection with the later actor has continued even after his death. “There are things where I feel suddenly, as if everything is the same. He is around, he is just not physically present,” Sutapa told Times of India.

Irrfan, who died on April 29, 2020, is still fondly remembered by his fans worldwide. But Sutapa said she is taking time to cope with his absence. In the same interview, she said, “The loneliness is very strong. Because we were not very social, we did not have too many friends. We were always that two-people unit. He would come back from shoot and we would see a film or talk. So it so revolved around him. It is very difficult to figure out a life without him.”

Speaking about a cosmic connection with Irrfan, Sutapa added how she still feels his presence around her. She told TOI, “Both of us loved the rain. And both of us would joke – if it was very hot…and it would rain the next day. When I went to Jaipur, it was a very hot day – and then, that night, it rained! It felt so strange. Then, when I was travelling back on the Jaipur-Mumbai highway, Google Maps told us that there was congestion and suggested an alternate route. It was an unfamiliar road, and then I was like – Oh my God! We are going via Tonk! Tonk is the place he belonged to. I do get hints of him being around,” she shared.

Sutapa further revealed that the family wasn’t prepared for the death because his reports showed improvement in the last few months. They were even planning a holiday two-months before Irrfan’s death. “He was not scared of death anymore. Still of course he wanted to live. He wanted to grow a forest, do a lot of social work.”

The actor had plans of doing one project a year, and even launching son Babil in a film, which he wanted to either direct or act in. Sutapa said, “I don’t think he wanted to act so much anymore. Because he had started enjoying this time we had. We spent time with the kids and did everything which we had not for a long time because he was so busy.”

Sutapa also revealed that Irrfan was not a practicing Muslim, but he wasn’t a non-believer either. He believed in one God. Hence, even she never converted to Islam.

“He was on the journey of a search, of himself, of this world, bigger things than this world, parallel reality, parallel world. Religion for him was spirituality. During this period, he read the Upanishads, Ramakrishna Paramhansa, Vivekananda… but he was never a typically ‘religious’ person,” she added.

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